Good Hotobenala to You.

I have devised the first annual Hotobenala to be celebrated on the second Saturday in April. This holiday is one of friends, food, good times, and childish name calling. It has many traditions indeed and to celebrate properly there is a pretty strict schedule you must adhere to. In this manual I will lay out what a purely orthodox Hotobenala entails.

The day involves many activities, but is mostly centered on copious amounts of movie watching. It is to be predetermined the number of movies to be watched by popular vote. However, you may never watch fewer than three movies or more than five.

Each attendee is to bring one movie to the gathering. This can be a movie of any length or genre. In order to choose the three to five movies to view, a game of Apples to Apples is to be played. The first three to five guests to collect two cards get the privilege of having their movie shown. The order of the movies will correspond to the order in which guests win in the game of Apples to Apples. Even if there are not enough people to have any removed by this process the game must still be played to determine the order. After you have collected two cards you are to remove yourself from the game.

The identity of the movies is to be kept secret until it is time to watch them. Movies are to be brought in a bag or container which hides their identity so that no one may know. You may not divulge what movie you have brought until it is time to watch it. However, phrases such as, “Oh man, my movie is so good” and “You are all going to hate my movie” are perfectly welcome. There are no vetoes allowed.

It is also important to adhere to the proper dress code. Only tee shirts and sweatpants or pajama pants are allowed. Long sleeve tee shirts are acceptable. Any attire may be covered by a sweatshirt or jacket as long as it is determined that the wearer indeed has on a tee shirt and the proper pants.

If it is determined that a guest is not wearing proper attire they are to be demeaned in the Circle of Ridicule. The ceremony of the Circle of Ridicule will commence after the choosing of the movies. The guest who has come to the party unprepared with be placed on the floor surrounded by the rest of the guests. Each properly dressed guest will be allowed to make a statement ridiculing the guest in the middle of the circle. Should more than one guest not be dressed properly they are all to sit in the middle and other guests will get to make a statement about each person. Also, throughout the entire ceremony the song Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus is to be played. The song will be repeated as necessary.

Should everyone adhere to the dress code then one of the guests who did not have their movie selected is randomly placed in the middle of the circle determined by choosing Scrabble letters out of a bag. Closest to Z gets sent to the circle. If all movies are being shown because there are not enough guests to have any removed during the selection process than it is determined that you do not have enough friends and each guest is to ridicule the other guests. All ridicules are to be given simultaneously.

The Breaking of Small Objects is to follow the Circle of Ridicule. Each person is to bring one small object to break via crushing, slicing, ripping, tearing, explosion or any other method. The entire party will go to a designated breaking area and each person will have the chance to destroy the item they have brought. If any person has not had their movie selected and has also been subject to the Circle of Ridicule then they are allowed to take any other persons object and destroy that as well as their own. The person whose object is taken does not get to break anything and is thus sad.

The remnants of the destroyed items are to be placed in a clear container and placed near the television in which the movies are to be watched so as they will be in eyesight the entire day.
The Watching of the Many Movies follows the Breaking of Small Objects. Movies are to be watched back to back with 15-30 minute breaks in between for the preparation of food and bathroom visits.

There is no traditional Hotobenala food; however, it is encouraged that no entrée be served. A series of delicious appetizers made before the Watching of the Many Movies and in between each movie is advised.

After the Watching of Many Movies a series of hugs and well wishes is to be given to each guest before departure.

She really enjoys the Breaking of Small Objects. Although she would be ridiculed for her improper attire.