Poetry

I was inspired to craft this poem after reflecting on my time with bang ban.

Ban Ban Bang Money Train
by The Money Train

Crash, bang, whimper
My baby's got a temper
Burn, burn, where does it burn?
You ask, but you can't tell
You tell, but you can't tell
If only
Once, twice
Social networking all at once
Cover your ears
His heart is shaped like a leaf
A leaf floats through the air
Burn, burn, where does it burn?
Oh god, down there it burns
Underneath the dying light
His heart does beat from this flying flight
Emotions in my face
Hit on the head with a knowledge bomb
It hurts
Ow, my Pride
David Ortiz
Dan Duquette

MATHAMAGATICS!

Do this math problem without scrolling down for the answer:

5
+11
-33
-33
x3
+4
-9
x13
+2000
+2000
-90
+114
+1




What does that equal?







The answer to the problem?





2010! Why do this excercise? Choose your own Adventure!

1) I am female
2) I am male








1) I just needed a reason to distract you so I could unhook your bra.




2) MATH IS FUN ISN'T IT?!?!?!?

ban-ban-bang Money Train

Your #1 source for ban-ban-bang Money Train!

Secrets of Bang-Ban Series: Part 1 - Search Engine Optimization

Dear Internet User,

Regardless of how you got here, or how many times you've been here, you are all probably wondering this: how is it that Bang-Ban is so popular while my e-website languishes in some dark corner of the blogotruck? What is their secret? Why do computers no longer beep when they're upset?

In the spirit of open knowledge, I've decided to start the Secrets of Bang-Ban Series to help answer these AND OTHER questions. You will get an inside look into the behind-the-scenes secret-backdoor-password-protected-clandestine-invisible-woman part of Bang-Ban and your brain will probably get much bigger or something.

Part 1 is about Search Engines.

Here is the list of keywords that have led people to Bang-Ban. Let us analyze it together.

Note: This is real and very secret so be careful when discussing this in public or in private.

1. I have no idea.

2., 3. For some reason we are the only website still talking about Dan Duquette.

4. Birds and shit

5. Some one was looking for real information and was cruelly misled

6. Self-explanatory

11., 12., 13., 17. People don't know how to operate their browser

7., 9., 10., 14. Porn related. This is no accident.

16. Fucking awesome

18., 20. I forget

19. I don't get it

21. TOP SECRET.

The end. You're welcome.

Chapter 7, it is.

Well, here is chapter 7. I have implanted those brain slug things from the Wrath of Khan in it. So you should probably listen to it as soon as possible. I need someone to get me a soda.


Chapter 7



PS There is a good chance that there may be a bit of a lull until the next chapter. I have only recorded through chapter 7 so now it's all about how motivated I am...

Excuses for not Posting

There hasn't been many posts lately. This is everybody's excuse. (Note: I am only finishing this post because the Money Train called me out)

Thorsberg

Physics lab at which he works produced a toxic batch of physics. It is now his job to either clean up or turn into a super hero.

Ferd

Too much free time to post, brain overwhelmed by lack of structure. Trying to learn how to cook a mean Grouse.

Money Train

"I AM Posting. I am the ONLY one posting. You guys do nothing. Why does no one listen to my audio book. I am a tool. I quit and am going to start a rival blog about sports and being a tool."

His Fingers Would Be So Cold.

Check out David Ortiz on baseball-reference.com. bang-ban is blowing up.

I Would Just Like to Point Out...

...That on 11/30/2009 ferd started a draft of a post entitled, "Excuses for not posting".

Chapter 6 & Exciting New News!

You may have noticed a change in the way we are presenting Times of Tension or Welcome to the Pre-Apocalyptic Wasteland. We here at bang ban were able to convince the author that his work is so important that it needs to be saved for future generations. To this end TOTOWTTPAW has been uploaded to archive.org.

We will continue to provide links and embed the audio into the blog for your pleasure, but if you fall behind or want to download a zip file with all of the chapters or download the couple of chapters you missed you can go to the archive.org page via this link: http://www.archive.org/details/TimesOfTensionOrWelcomeToThePre-apocalypticWasteland

OR you can simply go to archive.org and use the search engine. The TOTOWTTPAW page also has a playlist containing each of the chapters available so far so you can listen straight through without having to click on each chapter (as you would have to on the blog). Also, if you feel like leaving a glorious review you can do so.

Anyways, down to business. Here is Chapter 6.

Bang Ban's Super Bang Bang Halloween Party!

Join us on October 31st, 2009 at 8PM for bang ban's Super Bang Bang Halloween Party! We are very excited for the thirteenth annual bang ban halloween party, which will be held in the old giant warehouse down the street due to the massive demand in previous years. We are going to deck out the place and have hired the worlds foremost goat impersonators as well as the worlds foremost human impersonators. The human impersonators are themselves goats.

As in previous years this party ends when the last person leaves. The music will keep pumping and the dancing will keep getting sweatier until the warehouse is cleared out. Free food will be available and everyone is entitled to one free drink.

We have hired Moby to lay down some badass beats for THE ENTIRE TIME! He cost a buttload, but you have come to expect a certain level of quality from the bang ban Super Bang Bang Halloween Party.

Also, remember to bring a towel because there are going to be bubble machines throughout the warehouse and multiple mud wrestling pits. Feel free to wash yourself off in the coed showers afterwards.

We have purchased a high definition project which will throw up a 200 foot picture on the wall. What will we be watching? A preview of the splinternet.

So come on down and check it out. You ain't never been to a party like this. And remember, you won't be allowed in without a goat costume.

Goat or man? They are very good.

UPDATE - 12/2/2009: Due to a technical error this invite was not sent out until today. We at Bang Ban regret this mistake. Thorsberg, ferd and I had a good time even if we were the only non goat impersonating humans there (including Moby).

Chapter 5

Sometimes I worry about bear attacks. Here is chapter 5.

Chapter 5