It's Mad Libs Time!

This starts a series of Mad Libs that are made by real people (very few computers were involved to maximize hilarity). The text in bold are the fill in words. Please enjoy the madness.

Elizabeth the First

Elizabeth, the Tudor Jaw of England, was probably the moistest ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eigth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her bajingo chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a fruity Protestant and persecuted the lovely Catholics frankly. In 1588, the Chinese armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Lindsay Lohan and Burt Reynolds, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Nate Shapiro. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Thick Queen.

Comments on todays lesson:

1) I am not sure how one goes about "chopping" off a bajingo. It just seems logistically it would be difficult. Now it had been "sawing" or "crunching" or "removing" that would be one thing.

2) It seems like it would have been tough in 1588 for the Chinese armada to attack England. Half the men would have died of scurvy. This just doesn't seem right to me.

3) In case you didn't know, Lindsay Lohan and Burt Reynolds have not aged. Pictures of them doing so have simply been altered. They are like fucking Hancock and shit.

4) I've never met a Queen quite like the Thick Queen.

Have any further comments or thoughts about today's history lesson? Feel free to leave them in the comments section.

SMARTEST PHONE PRESS RELEASE

Check out the latest smart phone, it's called the SmartestPhone!

Is life currently too difficult? Do you barely function? It is probably because your phone lacks the intelligence to keep up with your sexy lifestyle. YOU COULD BE HOT AND HAVE A HOT PHONE AND YOUR LIFE COULD BE STORED IN THE PHONE.

Why do you even leave your house

HOLY SHIT!!!

Can you believe it's even called a phone? I definitely cannot believe it's called a phone. It probably should not be called a phone, that is insulting. It has more features than a space shuttle and provides better conversation than most of your friends. You can store the most important parts of your friends in this phone and slowly replace them. Do as the phone tells you.

Features

- blog about it!
- Google the web for twitter
- look at pictures of friends and of dogs
- HEY KIDS... TEXTING!?
- Touch all of it at once, or not at all

- Auto-call your parents when you get pregnant*

* (phone may be the father)

Upgrade to the Smartestphone and upgrade your life. Pick the color that is right for you, or risk shaming your family.

iNVERTED cOLORS

This is the post in which we show what pictures would look like if you inverted their colors!

OOO Bluish Robot! Is that oil you spew?

Is that the gay Blue Hulk? In front of the Doppelgänger gay Blue Hulk? Does he know he's there?

PRETTY (inverted) BIRD WITH A CONE

Those are some pretty colors. They remind me of the ones in my nightmares.

Oh wait, where did my soul go? Oh she collects them in the bottom of the bag she lives in. You win this round.

Well that concludes today's session and the free portion of our iNVERTED cOLORS blog. For further posts like this please send me like $20 or something. Yeah.

House is on FIRE!

Pause for reflection

Sometimes we don't get to express ourselves as often as we like. The passion is still there, but life interferes. Yet, the blog lives and we persevere.

MORE SOON????

...!

sports are f***ing the worst

Guess who is returning for the C's tonight!

You all thought it was retired. Too battle damaged and thread worn to be taken outside of the house. In fact it has not seen the light of day since the playoffs last year nor has it been washed in years. It was merely slumbering. Waiting for the day that it would be needed the most. It calls to me as it has called to many generations of my family. This shirt has been passed down through the ages, empowering my people with the strength of a thousand Ginos. Today. Today is the day that it mocks the Magic bench as it brings a firestorm of threes upon them. Oh you Magic, the Loom of Fate has called your name. Your destiny is to be but dust settling in the wake of the Celtics triumph.