Bang-Ban Wisdom #3

In the land of the blind the man with one eye is king, but in the land of the deaf everyone can tell he's creepy looking.

shiiiiiiii

--IMPORTANT NEWS--

ferd is gone so it's time to ruin the blog again. Does the picture below make you uncomfortable? It makes me uncomfortable. You shouldn't be able to find stock photos this disturbing. I did though. I was looking for a random photo and the first query I made was for "fighting couples". What do you think this means? Do the people below look like a couple? I don't think domestic abuse is funny. Why is there a stock photo for domestic abuse? He better holster that gun. Things could get out of hand quick in his state of mind and he could do something he will regret. If you stare at the woman long enough does it look like the woman is enjoying it? I think she is a little. Just look at her face and it will eventually look like she is laughing. It's like that drawing where it's a duck if you look at it one way and a rabbit if you look at it another. I hope you all enjoy your weekend.

Bang Ban Wisdom #2

"You love sports, gambling, and horses, but not to excess."

- true statement from a fortune cookie.

Bang-Ban Wisdom #1

GOING FOR BROKE IS EASY IF YOU ARE BROKE

Area Woman Admits She Doesn't Know How to Watch TV, Movies

Fairfax, VA - For the last 30 years, Lois Whitaker has been forced to hide her shame, that she never learned how to watch television.

Whitaker's life of secrecy started at an early age. Raised in an affluent community with a strong school system, Whitaker was taught at an early age how to learn and be entertained by newspapers and books. It wasn't until she received a scholarship to UCLA that she realized that she didn't know how to watch TV.

"I was invited to a friend's dorm room the first week of classes, and I was totally surprised to see them watching television. Although I had never seen one, I had seen pictures and read about them in magazines like TV guide and Entertainment Weekly," said Whitaker. "I couldn't understand what they were watching, but from their reactions, I knew when to groan or laugh along with everyone else. I couldn't watch television, but I could read people."

Graduating with a double major in History and Germanic languages, Whitaker was able to hide her shame throughout college, but Whitaker says that in the last few years her problem was gotten worse. "It got to the point where I was sneaking newspapers into people's homes when I was invited over, because I was worried we'd end up watching a movie or TV show after dinner. If the lights went down for a movie, I'd try to sit behind everyone or take a long trip to the bathroom to read the business section," said Whitaker. That's when she finally sought help.

Last year, Whitaker admitted her secret to her closest friend, Sheila Thompson. The two arranged a method where Thompson would TiVo the previous night's shows, watch them, and then sit with Whitaker and explain what was going to happen while watching the episode. "When Sheila started explaining the TV shows, it all started to make sense. Those people on the screen were just like us, except with super-powers, laughing audiences, and over-the-top libidos."

Just last week, Lois Whitaker went to the movie theater for the first time on her own. "I could understand what was going on: what the main character was seeing and feeling and why he wanted to make that factory explode." Nowadays, Ms. Lois Whitaker is finally living life to the fullest, watching an average of 10 hours of TV a day. "Now I can finally see the television, not as something to fear, but rather something that can show me the latest celebrity gossip, stupid animal tricks, and 5-hour marathons of Gilmore Girls."

The Nielsen Rating center estimates that upwards of five American citizens don't know how to watch television or movies, but with recent education efforts, Nielsen thinks they get that number down to four by 2015.