Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Swan Boats
author:
Kuo
People pay good money to ride a boat that shares some features in common with a swan. This business model almost failed after The Great Swanning of 1812 caused public backlash against swans.
The swan was not arbitrarily chosen as swans are the purest form of fuel known to mankind, and it is their burning flesh that fuels the furnace of each ship.
It is a well known fact that burning five swans releases the same amount of energy as a nuclear bomb. In a famous stroke of brilliance, it was Einstein who first suggested that we drop a bevy of swans on the Red Menace. It was only the extreme jealously that Oppenheimer and Bohr experienced when Einstein proposed a swan cannon first that prevented this idea's fruition. Although Einstein is the first person on record to formally posit the possibility of a nuclear swan strike, historians have theorized that the first use of the technology was used to turn the tides on the British in the war of 1812.
Swans swim in a row as they line up to be burned. Their noble sacrifices will not be forgotten as their charred remains will nobly be sacrificed to shuttle tens of passengers around a tiny pond for 15 minutes.
The Admiral is responsible for coordinating the actions of the entire swan fleet. Before his promotion, he was a Captain of an oil tanker who fought off Somali pirates with his bare moustache.
A daguerreotype taken of two passengers after their ride on a swan boat. The ride seems to have had the effect of giving them added confidence and increasing their problem solving skills two-fold. Also, it turned the woman into a slut.
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