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The Bang-Ban Bang Bang Fighting Guide to Ultimate Fighting Power (Part 1 of a fucking billion)
Many people nowadays find themselves in situations in which they need to fight. Whether it is fighting off potential suitors, or fighting your emotions, fighting ability has scientifically been proven to be four-thousand times more necessary now than 12 months ago.
The problem is, with computers and Vespas, the average American citizen has become so complacent that they could not even fight a subpoena. BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN.
Fig 1. A strangle hold
BASIC RULES
There are 3 important rules to fighting, and 4 rules that are not important. We will go over a mix of these rules.
Fig 2. Possible fighting haircuts
RULE #1 TO FIGHTING
Never back down from a fight unless you could get punched in the face and/or crotch.
RULE #2 TO FIGHTING
Never fight in self defense, that is the greatest sign of weakness.
RULE #3 TO FIGHTING
Don't just beat your enemy physically, dazzle them.
RULE #4 TO FIGHTING
Sometimes, talking about fighting takes more strength than actually fighting.
FIGHTING STYLES
The best way to find a fighting style is to pick an animal. What does it do? What are its fears? Who does it fraternize with? If you have no real-life examples, just make a best guess. Knowledge is not necessary for sweet fighting skills. Here are some examples if you are really stupid.
Bear Style
Fight campers by sitting on their tents and eating their garbage
Fig 3. Putting armor on animals makes them randy
Wolf Style
Fuck yes, good style, wolfs are fucking awesome and they are so cool.
Tiger Style
DON'T FIGHT YOU ARE ENDANGERED
MORE TO COME. STAY POWERFUL!
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