Caption Contest Winner: My Future Wife

Last week we took our cat for a walk outside. Results were mixed. Also, there wasn't a contest.

Sports!

This is what baseball used to look like. The guy on the left was the GM of the Red Sox...Let me repeat that as you stare at this man, the guy on the left ran the entire organization. I honestly can't tell you how often I look at this picture. It is...perplexing. There is some sort of weird allure to it.

I think there a few things that I need to analyze further.

1) The Duke is clearly sneaking in on this picture right? look at his legs. He is in motion. Now perhaps they are all moving forward and this was a staged shot (which would be weird in itself right?) but even so you can't convince me that The Duke isn't moving faster to get into this.

2) Dan Duquette didn't dress himself did he? He looks like he was dressed by his mom based on the general attire and the pant waist to real human waist difference. The most alarming thing has to be the Little League baseball photoshoot hat he has going on. I'm not even sure that thing is physically touching his head.

3) Do you notice how Jim Rice is repelled by Duquette? Not necessarily on an emotional or personal level, but simply on a physical world level. His upper half is uncontrollably being pushed away. I may need a number of human-sized magnets to investigate this further.

4) Does Duquette look real to you? I think he could be a robot. I don't see any genuine emotion in those eyes. It's like he learned how to smile after seeing it enough times on TV. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he may be some sort of robot or a yetti in a man suit.

In conclusion, The Duke appears to be a sneaky 8 year old reverse magnet robot yetti man. We're through the looking glass here people.

Thanks for everything

Thoughtful Musings

There is an uncomfortable first time for everything

THIS IS MY FIRST BLOGGER EVER! I FOUND A PICTURE OF CATS ON THE TUBES!

Prime Time is Rhyme Time

Thanks to the invention of blogs and music theory, rhyming has become an intrinsic part of modern life. Whether you are attempting to woo a local shop girl, or attending a spirited sporting event, you will inevitably encounter a situation in which rhyming is not only appropriate, but expected. Here are some of the most common rhyming errors that you must avoid in order to be accepted by your peers as equal.

One potato, two potato, three potato, four. Five potato, six potato, seven potato more.

Markov's Potato Theorem states that only 7 potatoes can exist in a location at a given time, making the "more" absurd and vulgar.

Figure 1: A doctored photograph

April power brings May flowers.

Should be "showers", not "power". April is by far the least powerful month.

Figure 2: Totally Gay

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

The average person needs to be fooled three times before feeling shame. Also, does not rhyme.

Figure 3: Shameful behavior

Bird Watching Guide

Welcome to the guide for watching birds. Unlike more popular internet bird sites, this objective resource pushes no ideological agenda. The only thing you need is an open mind and a passion for fucking awesome birds (read: fucking-awesome).

You might have seen some of these birds before, but more likely, you will see them in the future.

Well, let's take a look at the guide, shall we? It is the only way to be certain of anything.

Duck type

This bird can be identified by its cool demeanor. Never quick to anger, it is found mainly where water is found. Take a picture if you see one!

Big Hawk Bird

This is a scarier bird than most, but you are bigger than it so don't be too afraid. They can sometimes sit on your arm and do tricks - other times, they attack mice.

haha what

what the fuck

WELCOME

the first rule of burrito town is

eat hella burritos